Perceptions of Beauty

The phrase “body image” refers to one’s perception of the sexual attractiveness and aesthetics of one’s own body. Society has always placed great value on the beauty of the human body, although perception has always varied from region to region as well as person to person.

There have always been different ideas of what the correct “body type” is or what beauty is…

For example, we have the current trend in America (as well as other industrialized countries such as England, Canada, etc) that “thin is in”. Americans overall seem to have the mindset that skinny=good and any other body type=bad. We love skinny jeans. We love lipo. We love beach toned bodies. Just because magazines and peer pressure tell us that does NOT mean it is the truth, though!

Take a look at “beauty” throughout history! Foot binding was a custom which was practiced on young girls and ladies in China for over a thousand years. Here is an account from someone who underwent the practice of foot binding:

"When I was seven my mother….washed and placed alum on my feet and cut my toenails. She then bent my toes toward the plantar with a binding cloth ten feet long and two inches wide doing the right foot first and then the left. She...ordered me to walk but when I did the pain proved unbearable, that night...my feet felt on fire and I couldn't sleep; mother struck me for crying. On the following days I tried to hide but was forced to walk on my feet...after several months all toes but the big one were pressed against the inner surface..mother would remove the bindings and wipe the blood and puss which dripped from my feet. She told me that only with removal of the flesh could my feet become slender...every two weeks I changed to new shoes. Each new pair was one to two tenths of an inch smaller than the previous one....In summer my feet smelled offensively because of puss and blood;in winter my feet felt cold because of lack of circulation...four of the toes were curled in like so many dead caterpillars...it took two years to achieve the three inch model...my shanks were thin, my feet became humped, ugly and odoriferous. "

This concept of tiny feet being the ideal of beauty resulted in lifelong disabilities and pain for most of its subjects.

Another concept of beauty is the appearance of an elongated neck through the use of neck rings in some African and Asian cultures, which is a practice which is still being used in some areas today. Women begin to wear neck coils from as young as age two. As they age, the length of the coil is gradually increased from one to as much as twenty turns around their necks. This practice does not actually allow the vertebrae in the neck to grow, the weight of the coils simply places pressure on the shoulder blades, causing them to deform and create only an impression of a longer neck. 

Contrary to the beliefs of our tan-hungry culture, pale skin once was (and still is in many places) a thing to strive for. Tan or dark skin was a sign that you worked in the fields while paleness signified wealth and aristocracy. Skin whitening actually has a long history in Asia, stemming back to ancient Japanese and Chinese cultures where the saying "one white covers up three uglinesses" was passed through the generations.

Advertisements and websites for Asian women in the 90’s and early 2000’s spouted statements such as "flawlessly milky skin is to die for," while pitching sales for topical creams and treatments to help lighten skin. Little did they know that these creams were full of mercury, which is a highly lethal substance that can lead to convulsions, coma and even death. 

Historically, many if not most societies have associated fatness in women with desirable social status as it is a sign of wealth during times when food is not exactly abundant. Even today in many non-Western countries, large women are considered to be both beautiful and sexually attractive. It is common in many African cultures for “fat” to be interpreted as a symbol of strength, prosperity, sexual maturity, fertility, and wisdom. Obesity is so highly revered among Mauritania's white Moor Arab population that the young girls are sometimes force-fed to obtain a weight which the government described as "life-threatening".

Preferences for body shape have varied immensely over time and between cultures. White, tan, fat, thin, long necks, small feet, you name it! Here’s what I think: forcing yourself to fit into what society wants you to be or how society wants you to look is ridiculous; it will literally make you sick. You know those tan, skinny, beautiful models you see in magazines? They’re airbrushed and have a team of highly professional makeup artists to make them look the way they do! Forcing yourself to throw up to stay thin or hitting the tanning beds every day to achieve that bronze glow is every bit as bad as crushing your feet to achieve “perfection”. 

It’s taken me a long time to get to where I’m at now… I know I’m far from perfect, but I’ve come to love my imperfections. No amount of media influence or peer pressure will get me to try to be like everyone else. If you’re healthy- be happy. Be proud of who you are. Create your own damn body image. 

xo Mel

“Nothing Tastes as Good as Skinny Feels”

  

  I have had my own experiences being affected by an eating disorder.   I had am EDNOS from ages 10  til  about 18.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been bigger than other kids my age, both in height and weight.  Most of my family have similar body types as well, except my mother who is tall, thin, and ageless.  In my early teenage years, I could not find women who have similar body types in magazines or in television.  I believed that my weight was not the norm.  I had a distorted view of how large I was and believed that I was extremely overweight and needed to diet when my weight was perfectly normal for my height.  The

Lil' Tiffany

catalyst for my eating disorder was due to getting sick, which caused me to eat very little, so I lost a lot of weight (unintentionally). My mother then rewarded me wit new clothes (none of my old ones fit me anymore) and she said “well,  at least you lost weight out of this,” which took me aback. Then I looked back at all the times she secretly tried to get me to lose weight all my life.  Bullying was an even bigger catalyst.  So, I believed I needed to slim down.
 
  In the past, I had engaged in numerous diets and disordered eating in my, then, never-ending struggle to achieve “the beauty myth.”  “The beauty myth” is a socially constructed set of ideas about how female bodies should appear and behave (Naomi Wolfe).  I also would read magazine articles about models and celebrities and try to implement their diet secrets into my own life.  Skipping meals, substituting water for food when hungry, eating food with little to no calories as possible (when I did eat)- all unhealthy ways of trying to lose weight.
  

With my buddies

   One of the most disturbing memories from this point in my life was the overwhelming positive response to my unhealthy weight loss each time I tried a new diet method.  At one point I was consuming about 300 calories a day max. and exercising in every free moment while at a height of five feet, eight inches when I was seventeen years old.  I lost ten pounds in a week, another ten pounds or so the next week. Fatigued, I could barely stay awake in classes (grades never went down though, surprisingly). Family, other adults, and even my doctor were praising my rapid weight loss.  Some even asked for my dieting secrets and my mother rewarded me with new clothes each cycle of weight I lost- prouder at the number on the scale going down than ever at any of my real accomplishments. 
  
  They saw it as good self control, I began to recognize it as starvation and unhealthy eating habits.  Their compliments at one time were flattering, but feeling the exhaustion from disordered eating- it was a wake-up call.  I then realized that you can’t determine health by appearance only,  because you never know what someone did to attain their slimmer figure.  I realized that I’m not meant to be skinny, and even the models aren’t naturally as thin as they are.
   
  Not only me, but the others around me had taken “the beauty myth” of thinness projected in the modeling industry as being the norm at face value.  I did not looking deeper at the fact that magazines and advertisements prey on our insecurities to sell their diet products and weight loss strategies.  I didn’t consider that if thin was really the norm, why is it that most women’s magazines I see put out diet secrets in every issue?  Surely, if most were naturally thin, they wouldn’t need to put in tips for weight loss!  I succumbed to other’s views, that were disordered from what they saw in the media as well, that I needed to lose weight to be the nonexistent thin norm.  The most common dress size is actually fourteen, which is considered plus-size and is not a high-fashion model’s average size ranging from size zero to four. When in the midst of an ED it’s easy to believe “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” (Kate Moss). It’s like a high, watching the numbers on the scale go down.  I don’t weigh myself anymore.

    Now, on a related note in a slightly different direction: When someone is fat and has an ED, it is very difficult for them to get help. No one believed me. I told my then doctor straight out what I was doing, and the response was “I’m glad to see your weight is down.” And this is from a health professional, so I trusted her. Mind you- I have no health problems. No diabetes, no high-cholesterol, my blood-work is fine, blood-pressure is fine- no “fat-related disorders” and I’m not anywhere near getting in bad health (knock on wood).  As a result, I have since switched doctors. Again, this time out of no-where, she says “so, have you been heavy all your life?” (no, I gained it all in the waiting room /sarcasm) I knew where this was heading. “Yes, and so is the majority of my family” (she’s my mother’s doctor, so she knows she’s thin). The doctor orders me to have blood work done (which all came out normal, like before). I have lost faith in health professionals to be honest.    

On a positive note, I have purchased my first bikini. The heaviest I’ve been, yet the most confident in body and mind. P: Suck it haters~

♥ Tiff

Weak or strong?

Everyone has their own story. Every girl has her own struggle with body image. They are all very different. Some get engulfed. At least that is how I view it. But is the girl who never succumbs to those thoughts stronger than the girl who keeps away from the destructive behavior? I sometimes wonder what other people think about that question.

The reason I ask is because I view myself as a very strong individual. There has not been a consistent presence in my life besides my family that I could lean on. When it comes to very sensitive issues, it is so easy to hide those things from your family. So that said, I believe I have made it through a lot of really tough life experiences on my own strength. I have become a very independent woman. I value that very much.

However, I am one of those girls that has a story not so strong when it comes to body issues... some would say. I am stronger now through getting to the other side of it.  I let you all know earlier in our posts that I have had a struggle with body issues. This is due partly to my A-type personality... the desire to be perfect... the use of control in it all.  I do agree that the media and our social environment have a lot to do with a woman's desire to look a certain way. But I also know that that wasn't why I gave in to my insecurities. My main thing was control. There is that saying that when things in your life seem to be uncontrollable you tend to control some aspect of it; whether it be through partying, sex, etc. I found my control in my weight. I also know girls who have agreed with me that their struggles got out of control due to their needs for control.

Again, I ask: Does someone's need for control make them weaker than another? I honestly don't know how to answer that question some days.

"I don't remember the first day I felt unbeautiful..." That line is part of a song by the girl band Superchick called "Courage."

This song is a great tribute to those that fight through this disease. I think it takes courage to get through that sort of a thing. I know that because I KNOW that I have great courage.

I am not sure actually the first time it seemed like a good idea to not eat. I have not really explained to someone in extent what it was that I went through. I do know that I always had very skinny friends when I was younger. I thought I should be that way because it was the norm for me.

But I digress. Sometime during my sophomore year of high school I was going through some things. I had lost all my friends due to high school drama. You know. I am mad at you. I don't know why though. Also, my "perfect" family found out that my dad was cheating on my mom. We went through a lot of hard days through that time. I lost one of my close friends in a car accident. It seemed to be a snowball effect. So, I started working out. I was trying to be healthy. Then I started counting calories. Then I started weighing myself every morning and night. Then I started sneaking into the basement at night to workout. Then I started skipping meals, faking reason why I wasn't going to eat this meal or that meal. I thought I was hiding it.

I graduated high school and made the move to college. My roommate looked to me for a workout buddy because I was so "fit."  Then I started finding things to be involved in so that I wouldn't have to eat meals with anyone. I went through a whole year in college. I came home and people were worried. They asked a lot of questions. I always had answers though.

I worked out religiously in college. I weighed myself all the time... way too much. Everyday it was a new goal. Oh I am 100 pounds. I want to be 95. No, I want to be 90. No, I want to be 80. Until I got down to about 72 pounds.

One day at the end of the summer I went to weigh myself. I realized, FINALLY, that this was not good. I talked to my parents and we decided that I would start counseling at college since they offered free therapy for those types of situations.

This is the part that is hard to talk about... the part that I have only told one person. I was not okay after therapy. On the surface it looked good. I was gaining some weight back because I wasn't exercising anymore. But, I wasn't eating everything that people thought I was. I was spitting my food up. I was hiding it in napkins. I had so many tricks.

My saving grace, my guardian angel though was my roommate that I had had since freshman year. She eventually could see what was going on. She confronted me. It didn't change immediately. But eventually she got me to start eating again. It took a while though. I have been through a couple relapses. That's what happens.

But I did find things that helped me get through to the other side of the disease; channeling the need for control to something else. I have writing. I have my CLEAN room (as silly as that sounds). There are ways to get through these things. I haven't really gotten into all the details because well.... I really don't want to bore everyone with a BOOK on this topic.

It is a terrible thing for anyone to deal with. You don't have a good sense of self when the disease has a hold on your brain. You look in the mirror and see something that isn't there. You look in the mirror at 72 pounds and think... This is beautiful.

Now I know... my weight doesn't define me. Not in the least bit. Through the struggle of this issue I have found who I really am. I am a spitfire. I am a talker, I am a lover, I am passionate and compassionate. I love order, but I love to be spontaneous and enjoy the little things. I want to experience all there is to experience in this life. I want to travel. I want to do some crazy things.I want to help in other countries. I want to volunteer at an oil spill. I want to do some incredibly boring, relaxing things. I want to have a family and go on trips.  I am beautiful.

How can one do all those things when they are focusing on ONLY their weight?

I'll tell you it is pretty impossible.

Weak or strong? I'd like to think strong. You may have a different opinion. But I know I beat it, and I think that is all that matters for me. I pray that people don't have to get EXPERIENCE to get to that realization of self image, self worth, and self respect.

eeeek. Sorry this one was so long! I know this might be a lot of information that you don't want to read. It may put you down. I am not offended if you don't. I just made a pact with myself that for now I was going to pour myself out into my writings. I want to be an open book.

Thank you for reading. You are all beautiful people :) Peace and blessings to you all.

<3 Tracey

The Monster in the Mirror: Insecurity & Confidence

"We're going to have to let truth scream louder to our
souls than the lies that have infected us."
-Beth Moore, author

Body Image. It's your reflection. Not your physical reflection, but rather the reflection of yourself in your mind's eye. It's how you view yourself from inside. You see what you want to in the mirror, regardless of what anyone else tells you -- if you think you look ugly, then you're ugly, if you think you look fat, then you're fat, on and so forth. I could spend hours going through how body image effects your perception of your physical self and what the world sees, but I don't think I'm afforded that much of your time so I'll have to make do with what I have.

I'm seventeen, so to my immediate knowledge I'm the baby out of all of the bloggers here. I'm a soon to be senior in high school and I can honestly say that my body image has had highs and lows so volatile that I may as well be a roller coaster. Seriously, I think anyone can relate, especially as a teenager and even more so as a teenaged girl. There's pressure that we receive from so many various places -- the other girls we surround ourselves with whom we later compare ourselves against, who we idolise, and the media's constant pushing of a particular body type while men in our lives often push a different frame instead. All of these things prey on our insecurity, which is inherent, it's human nature to be insecure to some degree. As girls we're more susceptible because we're brought up hearing that we have to look a specific way, talk another, and act just as well. Pressure not only comes from the media, but those close to us.

The media, no doubt, has the strongest influence. It regularly flaunts models who are so tiny and perfect looking (be sure to thank God for Photoshop today, everyone!) that you have to wonder how they could possibly be so blessed and so lucky. Well, coming from the daughter of a woman who modelled briefly, I can attest to the fact that 95% of it is about as fake as Lindsay Lohan's newest dye job. You can easily run a search and find how actresses and models look without make up and hours of care afterwards -- some of them are still pretty, yes, but they look human. They don't look like anyone you wouldn't see coming into your workplace when it comes down to it. But the media still has subliminally pressured girls by showing pictures (most photoshopped) of girls who have teeny tiny legs, disproportionate heads, and various other bits as well that are simply unattainable without bringing any harm to oneself. Photoshop Perfection doesn't just extend to models, you probably have at least one friend on your Facebook friends list who clearly edits their photos and chances are it's a girl who is not half as perfect in reality but makes herself look flawless and reaps the benefits of all the compliments that come pouring in. I've seen it numerous times, so I'm quite sure that you have, too. It's fake, but it still makes an impact somewhere inside of you.

You're told that to be pretty you have to change who you are, you either need to eat more or less, dye your hair, cut it, work out more, work out less, dress differently, act differently, associate with different people -- to be "beautiful" to someone else's standards you almost always have to change yourself. But the truth is, you can't please anyone and you can never please someone when you can't please yourself. If you want to love the person you see in the mirror or to feel someone's love completely, you have to get over your own personal demons first. You have to conquer your insecurity to defeat the monster in the mirror. There's a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson that I love, it says, "We must be our own, before we can be another's."

So how does one combat the pressure to have the perfect body and overcome insecurity? Well, that's a good question. I'm still trying to figure it out myself as my roller coaster rockets around another curve in the tracks. I guess the only answer is that of confidence. Confidence is the only thing that can truly combat insecurity and social pressures. Look at Adele, who recently told Rolling Stone magazine, "I don't like going to the gym. I like eating fine foods and drinking nice wine." That's confidence right there. She accepts who she is, what she looks like, and she feels good about herself. And she's in the centre of the spotlight right now to boot! She's surrounded by people such as Katy Perry and Lady Gaga who dance around wearing sheer, barely there outfits.

I will be the first one to attest to the fact that it's easier said than done to be confident. But for the most part, I am. I'm not sure if this simply comes from the fact that I'm a strong person to begin with, but rather because of how I've acted to make sure I feel confident. I started trying to surround myself with positive, healthy thoughts. I cut out friends who were negative and brought me down with them, I started to look for things that made me happy and people who enjoyed my company and the things that made me happy. I read books that championed happiness and self-confidence And music is another way I've found to cheer myself up. I don't often admit to my guilty pleasure music, but I have it and it's how I keep myself upbeat on down days.

I listen to some of the following usually...

1. Who Says - Selena Gomez
2. Helena Beat - Foster the People
3. Sigh No More (album) - Mumford & Sons
4. I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles
5. Teenage Dream/Firework - Katy Perry

And probably a lot more that cheer me up when I'm feeling down. I also read quotes, there are various tumblr sites I go to just to read something that might make me smile. I don't let negativity in, because it fosters insecurity. I do have moments where I crumble, but I try to conquer them as they come, because it's not helping me in the long run. I'm never going to look like one of the models in Vogue -- I'm 5'4", a size 4, and have a B34 cup. I'm not perfect, I don't even measure up to the averages on some counts. But when I look in the mirror, I'd much rather like what I see than hate what's staring back at me, because I don't think anything is more heartbreaking.

A few weeks ago, I went to a local convenience store/gas station with a friend and sat in the car, waiting for him to buy a pack of cigarettes inside because he was out. Out of the store came a woman, she was possibly between 25 and 30, and she looked like she'd just jumped a time warp from Auschwitz 1943 to America 2011. I could see her femurs, count her ribs as they joined her sternum, and her wrists and arms were skeletal. My heart broke in that instant, because it was unbelievably terrible, even painful, to see someone that hated what they saw so much that they felt the need to go to such great lengths to be "perfect" when she was to begin with.

You'll never look perfect, nor will I. Chances are most people will never notice our flaws quite as much as anyone else. By trying to be something we're not for the sake of "being happy" will never work. You can never be happy that way because there will always be something wrong -- there will always be something that's ugly if you don't start to love yourself and what you see in the mirror first.

I'm sorry if this is quite late, I've gotten in from 4th celebrations just a little while ago and only just now had the time to truly sit and write this down. I hope that everyone had a lovely holiday and has a nice week ahead of them.

Vicki xx