The Comfort Importance Hypothesis

I think everyone has a place where they feel most comfortable.  Isn't that the ultimate motivation behind every human's actions? Happiness and comfort, but mostly comfort.  Even the daredevils are "most comfortable outside of their element." So we're constantly on the subconscious (or at times conscious lookout) for places where we feel "at home," a.k.a. comfortable. 

That's not to say that we only find places comforting.  For example, some people take comfort in food. 

What  isn't comforting about this?

But I wanted to share a part of my life where comfort was a major factor in my stability.  I go to school in Southern California but I actually spent my freshman year at Boston University.  I was one of those, Southern Californian Asian American going to college in Boston.  I hated it.  I disliked my classes, I disliked that BU had no campus, I was in the one place in the world where none of my family members lived (I have a big family that kind of dots over the globe.  I have a theory that if we banded together to form a major network we could take over the world).  I felt cornered, stranded in my tiny brownstone dorm room triple with two roommates who disliked me because I wasn't a hippie.  So I took my Charlie card, tapped it against the automated ticketing machine on the T, and rode that metro all the way until I saw this: 

My unexpected place of comfort!

Trader Joe's, which originated in Monrovia, CA, was like a beacon of hope.  I walked in, and it was like there was something in the water.  Everyone was so happy, and welcoming (of course, I was a customer), and this TJ's had the same products that I knew and loved in L.A.  I felt so comfortable.  Almost every Friday, I would frequent this Trader Joe's and the next-door Gamestop which I also saw all over the place in L.A.  It was my little slice of home.  If I hadn't come to this TJ's in Brookline so frequently, I feel like part of me might have died.  I was so unhappy at BU, I sometimes would skip class just to come here and browse the aisles, maybe get a frozen quiche or a bag of unsalted almonds.  Even though I went to class maybe 60% of the time, I got straight A's, grades good enough to get me into university back on the West Coast, in L.A., mostly because I spent most of my time studying in or around this Trader Joe's. I was comfortable enough in that Trader Joe's to settle into this productive rhythm, as if I was back at home. 

How important was something as simple as a comfortable place in determining my future? Now I'm living in the city where I'm most comfortable.  I'm going to get married and live and raise my children here.  I've never taken the time until now to realize what a colossal role comfort plays in my life. 

I think my ultimate point is that we shouldn't take comfort for granted.  Today I'm going to tell someone I love and who I'm comfortable around how much I love them.  I'm going to go to Trader Joe's tomorrow and get some more butternut squash ravioli: 

...'cause I might've eaten it all...

So I recommend that you go tell that someone that you appreciate them, go spend a while in that special place, or hug that comforting stuffed animal, because comfort is more important in our lives than so many other things that are dominating the news (*cough cough*Rep. Weiner). 

Have a great, comfortable day, everyone! 

Éli

No Explanation Needed.

Some find comfort in the things they cannot explain. I cheated and looked up a trigger for ‘comfort’ while I was brainstorming about what I could possibly say and stumbled across this photo and it just struck me.

It seems like the more things go on in life, the more I experience, the more I learn about other people in my life, the more I find this to be true. It’s not something I can really begin to explain, but it seems like there’s so much that isn’t true about life. Anymore, it seems like so many of the taboos that I was born into aren’t true and that things are actually incredibly different in reality. I suppose it goes back to the rose-colored glasses bit.

The possibility of being able to make friends or find love on the internet, for example, because it isn’t “real” is a highly popular taboo. And recently, I began to toy with the idea of whether or not people can form real relationships online. Lasting ones, the kind of relationships that you read about in books and see on film, very Notebook-esque or You’ve Got Mail with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan types of relationships – I genuinely wondered if they’re possible. I wondered about whether or not it was possible for me to find that, for other people in my life to find that, and then gradually, I began to see it all over.

I started to see people as they sought comfort from one another and realized that there seems to be some kind of unspoken transparency among internet friends. It seems that so many people show more of themselves to people they “will never meet” than those that they see every day. I don’t know why this is, but it appears that people are readily willing to let others into their personal lives in that regard. I’m beginning to think that it’s because those people are looking for comfort – to find someone, anyone, just one person out there to connect and identify with. I think that when it comes down to it, that everyone is just looking for someone that they can just click with and feel drawn to. Companionship – it’s possibly one of the most basic human desires, I think. And I think that everyone out there can agree.

Yes, that’s how it is offline, too. But I think that’s how it is online sometimes. I see people pour their hearts out on blog posts and message boards to allow other people to come to their aid from around the world. And I see those other people do so happily; I see and often chime in, offering my own two cents about what I would do or what I’ve done in that position or just a friendly ear.

I’m not going to get into why I began to wonder these things because those reasons are personal, but I do know that I’ve made lasting friendships of my own on the Internet. I’ve known some of these people for going on three years now, I believe. It seems odd, but some of these people I turn to in my darkest of times and I cry to because I feel that comfort with them. I don’t feel like I need to shield myself, my worries, my fears, my pain from them. I don’t feel insecure, I’m just there and they listen and they joke with me and they make me smile – and that’s all I need. That’s all anyone needs.

I’ve seen people gradually begin to fall in love with one another via an internet club and watched as they began to seek comfort from one another when their lives were more or less in the gutter. As I watch this, because it’s still ongoing, all I can really think is how surprising it is. I never would have expected this in the first place, yet I see it whenever they talk about one another and the dedication they show to one another. It’s true, it’s real. They’ve found comfort in another person who they have never met in their life. And yes, it sounds insane, but I’m beginning to believe the taboo isn’t real, that you really can’t explain how you find comfort in some things or some people because you just "aren’t supposed to."

I’m steadily beginning to believe that you don’t need to be able to explain yourself to anyone but yourself. If the person in Jackson or London or Beijing is the one that comforts you then so be it. Everyone else can lump it because you don’t owe them any explanation and more than that, you don’t even need to be able to explain it. You just need that connection, you need that comfort. It’s carnal. I don’t think you should have to be able to pinpoint why you’re comforted by someone who is anywhere between 100 or 3,000 miles away from you. The only thing that matters at that point is you and that person and the comfort you bring each other and I think that when you do find that connection with someone that it’s important, too, and that you should hold onto them for as long as possible especially if they bring you comfort.

I find comfort in the things that I cannot explain. I find comfort in people I have never physically hugged, held hands with, kissed, or seen closer than a screen. And while I can’t explain why, I don’t regret those relationships and don’t believe I ever will.

Anyway, now that I have thoroughly rambled on, I think that I shall go to bed.

-Vicki

Edit: I suppose that the site is set back on time and in a different time zone than myself. When I posted this it was about 2 in the morning EST (Monday for the East coast!) but it shows up as being Sunday. So apologies. :$

Orange Roses To Match My Hair

Comforts. Everyone has them and everyone's is different. Everyone has discomforts. And everyone can start to get too comfortable in a relationship. I know I did. A couple nights ago, I was pushing Sean away. I was too comfortable. We always do the same thing every night, except on Thursdays (which is bar night) and then on the random party night. I was getting too comfortable. And I think he was, too.

So, I told him on Friday night about it and I guess I freaked him out a bit too much. Apparently, he was a wreck at work the next morning. Well, after work he came over and we went to a grad party and then we went to our neighbor's party (which was a blast!) Sometime while I was eating food (another comfort for me) Sean stepped out and he called me about twenty minutes later and told me to come by my house. So I walked over to my house and he's hopping out of his car and he has flowers with him. Flowers always make me feel better. So I asked him, "What are these for?" and he replied, "Because I felt like giving you flowers and I hadn't gotten you flowers in a while. But, I couldn't find tulips, so I got you orange roses to match your hair." 

The orange roses Sean got me <3

Within that moment I realized something. Yes, we get into a comfortable periods in our relationship, but if I didn't have him in my life, I would be lost. I would be a wreck. He has done so much for me. And he cares about me more than life itself. I realized then at that moment, that Sean himself, is one of my comforts. 

Comforts. Everyone has them. And everyone's are different. Some have a meaning to them and some are just because they make you feel better. One of my biggest comforts just so happens to be my boyfriend. However, until last night, I didn't even realize that he was one of my comforts. I am thankful that this happened and that I realized that last night.

And now, I'm off to go have some food =]
xoxo
Stephanie