"All's Well That Ends With Me"

"Me" from Beauty and the Beast on Broadway

First off, hugest apologies for not posting on Wednesday. Who has two abnormally long, slender thumbs and got jury duty? This girl.

So..."me." Such a complicated thing, if you think about it too much. There's always the archetype self-less hero who never thinks of him/herself and then the really annoying character who only thinks of themself. It really reduces the significance of "me" when people in reality can be really full of themselves. Often we can't win. Either you are really full of yourself or you are so not into yourself that you're insecure. Has anyone come across a happy medium? I honestly believe I have.

One of the big things with me, if you haven't noticed yet, is being happy with myself, and kicking anyone in the balls who tries to put down whatever makes me happy. I like to think one of my most obvious traits is that I'm really secure in my self-identification as a nerd. Being a nerd....makes me extraordinarily happy and stable. Isn't that what makes a satisfactory human being? Emphasis on stable, because I can think of a few notorious historical serial killers who probably liked themselves and the way they were but in a way that was not okay. In this way, humans can be the best "me" without pooping on anyone else's sensibilities. Happiness is infectious and if one person is happy with "me" (meaning themselves) then it'll pass on to others around them and before you know it you have a chain reaction of happy and it's a beautiful world. Right? Maybe?

And I also firmly believe that everyone deserves some "me time," you know? If we try to be like Harry Potter and constantly think about other people, then we'll at some point explode like he does in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and yells at his two best friends because he feels entitled to being in the loop because of what he's done to save everyone else. I know I get cranky when I don't give myself some me time. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to focus inward on what "I" want. It's a human trait and survival mechanism. I mean if we were all selfless, we'd all be going around sacrificing ourselves to save each other. That's a really counter-productive chain reaction for the human race.

So while the selfless hero is admirable and a great role model morally, humans can't survive without the "me." We need "us." It's a little uncomfortable that "It can't always be about you" has become such a hurtful phrase because that's kind of a fact of survival....

Me Snippets:
I'd like to take a moment to send my prayers to Norway where someone really unstable wreaked havoc and dimmed the world with his crazy last Friday. Also prayers to China where a bullet train derailed and killed another number of people. Prayers to the midwest-to-east coast which are suffering from major heat waves––I am lucky LA is being spared...And although I never liked or listened to her music, r.i.p. Amy Winehouse, who hopefully can get some peace now.
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In happinews (hehe. happiness + news oh I'm so clever), I saw Captain America tonight and I actually quite enjoyed. I recommend viewage of this film. The CGI was amazing. The acting was phenomenal. Everyone was good, which is so rare. The music, superb (it was Alan Sylvestri, how could it not be). And most significant of all, it made me like Captain America. Context! Before I thought he was just a blue bird man who conked people with his blue circle shield. But he is so much more. Just...just go see it.

xo
- É

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.- Robert C. Gallagher

Who am I? This is probably one of the most frequently pondered questions of all time… And I honestly believe that there is no true or correct answer. 

Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are. -  Bertolt Brecht

Wants, needs, hopes, fears, desires, goals- although some do remain the same most are perpetually changing for all people…If these things change then so do you. 

Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.- Arthur Schopenhaur

I see life as an exciting, ever-changing adventure in which I would never tie myself down to one definition of who I am.

 Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress. – Bruce Barton

My Mothers Daughter

With that title I would like to proceed by wishing her (my mother) a happy 39^th birthday. Almost two decades ago she fearfully cannon balled into motherhood. I want to take these few sentences to thank her for not nipping it in the bud. I would not even be able consider the theme of ‘Me’ had it not been for her courage to let me be born. Beyond the idea of destiny and fate there is in fact actual choice. You see, I believe the type of life I lead if my fate; something that is currently beyond my control. However; this fate would not have been available to me had my mom not chosen to let me be. 

I Was…

From what I can remember, raised by my grandparents. I remember a lot of soccer, Spanish and screams smothered in the tone of my grandmother warning me to be afraid, very afraid. Mi Abuela is as overprotective as they come. She kept me near, fed and loved. This woman single handedly built a cocoon for me to seek shelter in, well my grandfather built it and she ordered him around, metaphorically speaking of course. You see this cocoon does not physically exist, but it’s there, located deep in the heart of an otherwise cold woman.

I Am…

Young and Hungry with shit to prove, in a nutshell. 

Finding Self

William Shakespeare

When I was around 12 years old, I had a teacher named Mrs. Morris who I absolutely loved; she was my English teacher and the wife of a literature professor at a nearby university. Towards the middle of the year, she pulled out a box of paper stars, where she wrote the names of everyone in our class followed by one or two words regarding us. Most people had the word 'creative' if they were artistic, 'dancer' if they danced, 'amusing' if they loved to make people laugh -- you get the picture. When I finally found my name on the door where she hung the stars, my name was the only one with two words on the star in her neat, perfect handwriting.

"Finding Self"


At that age, I had never heard of such a thing and I didn't understand it. Neither did my friends. I felt a bit sheepish about mine, even self concious. When I asked her about it, Mrs. Morris explained that at some point, everyone goes through a period where they begin to search for themselves, their true identity. I didn't think it was very accurate then and I always felt a bit insecure about that star, but now I sort of wish I still had it -- to remember her and to always have a little piece of that class with me.


Nostalgia aside, I think that if you fast-forward five, almost six, years and were to meet me now, you'd have a pretty good idea that I know who I am and what I'm capable of. I've been described as many things, most good, a handful bad, most of these things are merited -- fiery, strong, loyal, understanding, intelligent, manipulative...the list could really go on. 


It took me years to find who I am and in some ways I think I'm still finding out who I am more and more each day. I suppose that it's probably one of the biggest things I've ever sought out in my life, finding yourself is a major part in everyone's life. Who you are shapes everything about you when it comes down to it. Finding myself has been a process, one that I'm sure will never end and will go on for as long as I live; I loved every minute of finding who I was. 

I'm not suggesting for a minute that you sit and do nothing but try to find yourself or waste your whole life trying to figure out who you are. If you haven't figured out who you are yet and would rather waste your time dwelling and lamenting, then shut up, stop talking about it, and just do it. You're never going to find yourself that way. 

Finding out who I was didn't come from me sitting around, thinking and dwelling the mysteries of the cosmos. Hell, I don't think it came that way for anyone. It came from experience, conversations, friendships that were forged and lost, bridges that burned behind me and new doors that opened before me. Experience and opportunities were what helped me to learn who I was, it's what helps everyone to learn who they are. Your experiences shape you, develop you, and how you react to those experiences that says so very much about you. 


Quite honestly, I've never been able to talk very well about who I am, I don't think anyone can because no one is ever 100% certain, because you're always changing and growing as a person. But I do think that knowing yourself, being true to that self, and never straying from your true identity is really what matters and I'm glad that I learned at such a young age and had so many people willing to guide me in the right direction. To think it all started with a little paper star, too.


Take care 'til next week,
Vicki xx

It's not all about me, me, me; or is it?

Many people think that when people only think about themselves is because they're selfish. I don't think that's always the case. Sure, there are those people in the world who are all me, me, me, me, me, oh yea and me. And they don't take a second to think of anyone else. I think it's okay to think about yourself. I mean you have to, right? Obviously, you think about the people you care about and your pets. That's how selfish-ness is different. Selfish-ness doesn't even think about others...how they feel, what's more important, yada yada yada. But people who know their self-worth can balance that out. It's good to know your self-worth. It's good to have confidence. And more importantly it's good to have good self-esteem. Self-worth, confidence, and good self-esteem can all come hand in hand with one another. People who think about themselves and protect and fight for themselves has a sense of all three of those things. It's harder for some and easier for others but I think everyone and anyone is capable of it. As long as they don't ONLY think about themselves.

I've had some trouble in the past. With depression and other stuff, it's hard to get your mind in a place like that. I have depression and let me tell you, it's not easy to think about yourself. But I have gotten to the point (with the help of some medication) that I deserve the best that I can be and get. My self-esteem is getting better. And I have a sense of self-worth. I think it's important for people to know these things and work and improve on these things. It's healthy and normal to think about yourself. To improve yourself. To like yourself.

So go out there and get some confidence. Think about what makes you feel good and do it. Dare to dream. Overcome and conquer those fears or problems or addictions, whatever it is that keeps you from letting yourself care about yourself. I've been down that road, it's not pretty.

Have a good week!
xoxo
Stephanie