Finding Self

William Shakespeare

When I was around 12 years old, I had a teacher named Mrs. Morris who I absolutely loved; she was my English teacher and the wife of a literature professor at a nearby university. Towards the middle of the year, she pulled out a box of paper stars, where she wrote the names of everyone in our class followed by one or two words regarding us. Most people had the word 'creative' if they were artistic, 'dancer' if they danced, 'amusing' if they loved to make people laugh -- you get the picture. When I finally found my name on the door where she hung the stars, my name was the only one with two words on the star in her neat, perfect handwriting.

"Finding Self"


At that age, I had never heard of such a thing and I didn't understand it. Neither did my friends. I felt a bit sheepish about mine, even self concious. When I asked her about it, Mrs. Morris explained that at some point, everyone goes through a period where they begin to search for themselves, their true identity. I didn't think it was very accurate then and I always felt a bit insecure about that star, but now I sort of wish I still had it -- to remember her and to always have a little piece of that class with me.


Nostalgia aside, I think that if you fast-forward five, almost six, years and were to meet me now, you'd have a pretty good idea that I know who I am and what I'm capable of. I've been described as many things, most good, a handful bad, most of these things are merited -- fiery, strong, loyal, understanding, intelligent, manipulative...the list could really go on. 


It took me years to find who I am and in some ways I think I'm still finding out who I am more and more each day. I suppose that it's probably one of the biggest things I've ever sought out in my life, finding yourself is a major part in everyone's life. Who you are shapes everything about you when it comes down to it. Finding myself has been a process, one that I'm sure will never end and will go on for as long as I live; I loved every minute of finding who I was. 

I'm not suggesting for a minute that you sit and do nothing but try to find yourself or waste your whole life trying to figure out who you are. If you haven't figured out who you are yet and would rather waste your time dwelling and lamenting, then shut up, stop talking about it, and just do it. You're never going to find yourself that way. 

Finding out who I was didn't come from me sitting around, thinking and dwelling the mysteries of the cosmos. Hell, I don't think it came that way for anyone. It came from experience, conversations, friendships that were forged and lost, bridges that burned behind me and new doors that opened before me. Experience and opportunities were what helped me to learn who I was, it's what helps everyone to learn who they are. Your experiences shape you, develop you, and how you react to those experiences that says so very much about you. 


Quite honestly, I've never been able to talk very well about who I am, I don't think anyone can because no one is ever 100% certain, because you're always changing and growing as a person. But I do think that knowing yourself, being true to that self, and never straying from your true identity is really what matters and I'm glad that I learned at such a young age and had so many people willing to guide me in the right direction. To think it all started with a little paper star, too.


Take care 'til next week,
Vicki xx