Decisions. decisions...
To be or not to be?
Yes, no, maybe so?
Peanut or plain?
<3
According to studies, your brain makes decisions ten seconds before you even realize it. Which is why sometimes the words we yelp out to others in self defense during an argument are often regretted. It seems by the time we compose ourselves and begin to recount every dagger thrown we wish more and more to have taken old advise; to think before we speak. The decision that often follows this regret however is not made so unconsciously... it is the decision to keep or not to keep the person with whom you argued, in your life. Sometimes the daggers are in to deep having drawn amounts of blood that make it impossible for the relationship to be revived.
Two weeks ago I fought with my best friend, the words were spit in drunken rage and those ten seconds were extended up until the next day. I woke up the next morning feeling bruised and guilty. I recall few of the things that I responded to her, and although hurtful, I am confused because they were all true. Truths she did not want to confront yet. Truths I threw in her face and truths she threw in mine. I began digging my subconscious for answers and some sort of solid memory but the only part I could focus on where the last words she said to me. My brain decided they were unforgivable words and up until today I agree.
But what about when you don't agree with your unconsciously decisions? How do you proceed? How do you decide how to apologise? Can you apologise for being honest?
Another thing I remember having fought about that night was so superficial, yet eye opening in a sense. My once best friend happens to be very vain. She told me she did not think I was pretty and I had been finding her to be uglier and uglier as the weeks passed. I like to think that I see with my heart. If I like someones soul then I can't help but find them beautiful. Therefore if she saw something unpleasant when she looked at me and I saw something equally unpleasant when I looked at her... then maybe we have run our course in each others lives. Not only can I function properly without her, but I function at a higher level. She seems to be doing just fine as well, in a world much too immature for me to continue participating in happily.
A lot of factors need to be taken into account when making decisions... but sometimes the choice has been clear longer than we have wanted to let ourselves realize and ten seconds is more than enough time...
Camii
beautifully written and a very interesting fact, i might add. ;)
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