Brainy and Bodacious

I had an eating disorder in high school and I didn't realize it until last year. My best friend always mentioned my "ano" but never in a concerned way. I completely believed that there was nothing wrong with me. Right? What's wrong with eating only one very small meal? What's wrong with eating a goldfish cracker and being done for the day? I thought my body looked normal, so that must've meant there was nothing wrong with my eating. Right? I flip-flopped between 99-105 pounds...there was nothing wrong with that......right?

I didn't realize until last year when I was at Boston University, when I wore heavy coats and pants every day and nobody could even tell what my body looked like underneath it all, that there was something super wrong with me. I recovered pretty quickly when I developed a much healthier relationship with food. Food is delicious, and I can't believe I spent 2 years of my life not eating enough of it. The food in Boston, by the way, is super good, so I always had access to soul-soothing yumminess. Naturally, I gained a lot of weight, but the wonderful thing is, I didn't care. I was happy happy happy.

When I returned to Los Angeles for school, I was bombarded with the skinniness and pressure to be thin that seems to be so much more prevalent here. My best friend and my sister constantly obsess over every little calorie they consume, and they're much skinnier than I am). It's enough to drive me utterly nuts. But I somehow am able to dodge the insanity. I'm still heavier than I was in high school and I don't care. The truth is...if you're kind to and love someone, you're already beautiful, no matter how much you weigh or the proportions of your face.

I may sound like a hypocrite here but this summer I'm actually undertaking a self-revamping beauty project. I call it Operation Geek Chic. Ever since high school I have been wearing frumpy clothes, no makeup, and have rarely ever done anything more to my hair other than brush it after I shower (which apparently you're not supposed to do because it causes split ends???). A lot of people have been commenting on how I am too frumpy to go places, and it just pissed me off. Why can't people just be happy that I don't dress like a total tart and don't bare 70% of my skin? Like Vicki said, you can never make people happy. But I figured this is a sign. I'm taking this opportunity to revamp my physical appearance because I'm already happy with my personality. It's not that I'm unhappy with my body. I'm not buying all these new clothes and makeup for everyone else's benefit. It's kind of like I'm indulging myself, splurging and spoiling myself. I mean, who doesn't want to dress like a hot geeky princess? Okay, I sounded like a hypocrite there.

I hope you understand that I'm doing this summer beauty project for myself because I want to. I'm polishing the ore into a diamond, you could say. Body image issues can be approached in two healthy ways. The first is to acknowledge that every girl is beautiful, as long as she doesn't smoke too much and/or do drugs :3. There isn't one mold that we all need to fit into to be beautiful, even though a lot of people try to do that anyway. The second is to treat ourselves to self-improvement based on what we think makes us beautiful, not based on what other people say. It's like giving ourselves a spa day with long-lasting after-effects.

We are constantly barraged with images of "beautiful" people, stick-skinny Twiggy characters with their poufy lips and breast augmentation. The first step to being beautiful is realizing that these people aren't the only kind of pretty. They're just the ones who happened to be featured in the camera's line of fire. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and guess who said that first? Plato. Credibility established. Basically Plato was saying that everyone is beautiful to someone.

xo
Éli

If you want to follow the progress of Operation Geek Chic, click here! Turning eek into chic without sacrificing any part of myself or breaking my bank (because I am a cheapo).