I Will Not Be a Statistic

In Plato's The Symposium, he presented the theory of soul mates with the story of humans who originally had four legs, four arms, and two heads. Zeus, threatened by their power, tore humans in two each, condemning them to search their whole lives for their other half in order to complete one another. Well, let's just say that my parents weren't one of those lucky couples to find their missing arms and legs and they promptly divorced when I was seven years old after fourteen years of fighting. 

My parents are 1 out of every 2 couples in the United States who get divorced each year, in fact, you could argue that the statistics say marriage isn't logical or even rational when you look at the numbers. But if you look at the facts, bees shouldn't be able to fly either.

At that point in my life, I didn't know too much about it. I knew what divorce was, what marriage was, and understood a basic concept of what Love entailed. But I was seven, so naturally I didn't understand that much. As I've gotten older though and grown up in the wake of my parents splitting (quite messily, I might add), I've started to see things in a somewhat newer perspective. I ended up turning into a bit of a hopeless romantic as I got older and I started to think about Love on a much deeper level, what it meant to be "In Love," how you'd feel, what you'd think, if you'd feel different -- I ended up falling in Love once, well, at least that's what I thought it was. I can never be too sure.

My father's parents have been married for 53 years, my mother's (less happily than my father's) for 47, my Aunt and her husband dated for 25 years before finally getting married to one another at a seaside ceremony about a year ago, while my mother and father have found their own respective new loves who have weathered through the years with them. One couple that my parents have known for over two and a half decades have been together since they were 16 and 17 -- they're now in their late 70s. How did they do it? I wish I knew, but I know they had one method I plan on applying in the future. Whenever they fought, they refused to go to bed angry with one another. They would never fight and go to bed having said something cold to one another before sleeping should something happen. They'd go for days without sleeping, often ending in mutual apologies from sleep deprivation. For as crazy as it seems though, it worked. They have a successful farm, operated two businesses, and raised three children.

But for all of that and all the prospective dating and potential suitors that have come and gone, I've only had one person remain as a constant partner in my life and that's really convinced me of a couple things in regards to marriage. Ironically, he's the first person I thought I loved, who my friends often remark is perfect for me or how he and I are clearly meant for each other, and has been with me longer than most of my high school friends. We recently spoke lightly about marriage, the prospect of it, and I said something to the effect of this:

"Most girls I know have planned their weddings down to the flowers since they were little, I haven't. I never even thought about getting married seriously and I don't want to, not unless I'm 100% sure I won't get divorced. I'm not going to get married and have kids just so it can fall apart. I want to be as sure as I can that it's going to work."

His response was almost identical -- his children will never go through what he has.

I don't know when I came to this conclusion exactly or even, but I've stood by it. I'm not going to let myself become a statistic. I won't allow myself to haphazardly get married to someone which is what seems to be the biggest problem for people. I'm going to be sure, I'm going to know that they're the one for me even if it takes years for us to get it right, and I won't lose them no matter what the fight because I will never fall subject to the 1 in 2 statistic that plagues American couples. I expect fighting and sleepless nights, cold words and troubled times, but I don't plan on getting divorced and I'll find someone with those same values.

I saw this post on Tumblr today. It said this....

I've Always Wanted...

A Story like Jack & Rose

A Kiss like Spiderman & Mary-Jane

A Fight like Elizabeth & Darcy

A Friendship like Ron & Hermione

A Connection like Robbie & Julia

A Dance like Troy & Gabriella

A Strength like Edward & Bella

A Secret like Romeo & Juliet

An End like Noah & Allie

And with that in mind, I'll end this post with a video that sets me off bawling every time I watch it.

Hope everyone has a nice week and my apologies if this runs into Tuesday -- I spent the day with my aunt and her girls who leave tomorrow afternoon for San Jose.

Vicki xx