The Monster in the Mirror: Insecurity & Confidence

"We're going to have to let truth scream louder to our
souls than the lies that have infected us."
-Beth Moore, author

Body Image. It's your reflection. Not your physical reflection, but rather the reflection of yourself in your mind's eye. It's how you view yourself from inside. You see what you want to in the mirror, regardless of what anyone else tells you -- if you think you look ugly, then you're ugly, if you think you look fat, then you're fat, on and so forth. I could spend hours going through how body image effects your perception of your physical self and what the world sees, but I don't think I'm afforded that much of your time so I'll have to make do with what I have.

I'm seventeen, so to my immediate knowledge I'm the baby out of all of the bloggers here. I'm a soon to be senior in high school and I can honestly say that my body image has had highs and lows so volatile that I may as well be a roller coaster. Seriously, I think anyone can relate, especially as a teenager and even more so as a teenaged girl. There's pressure that we receive from so many various places -- the other girls we surround ourselves with whom we later compare ourselves against, who we idolise, and the media's constant pushing of a particular body type while men in our lives often push a different frame instead. All of these things prey on our insecurity, which is inherent, it's human nature to be insecure to some degree. As girls we're more susceptible because we're brought up hearing that we have to look a specific way, talk another, and act just as well. Pressure not only comes from the media, but those close to us.

The media, no doubt, has the strongest influence. It regularly flaunts models who are so tiny and perfect looking (be sure to thank God for Photoshop today, everyone!) that you have to wonder how they could possibly be so blessed and so lucky. Well, coming from the daughter of a woman who modelled briefly, I can attest to the fact that 95% of it is about as fake as Lindsay Lohan's newest dye job. You can easily run a search and find how actresses and models look without make up and hours of care afterwards -- some of them are still pretty, yes, but they look human. They don't look like anyone you wouldn't see coming into your workplace when it comes down to it. But the media still has subliminally pressured girls by showing pictures (most photoshopped) of girls who have teeny tiny legs, disproportionate heads, and various other bits as well that are simply unattainable without bringing any harm to oneself. Photoshop Perfection doesn't just extend to models, you probably have at least one friend on your Facebook friends list who clearly edits their photos and chances are it's a girl who is not half as perfect in reality but makes herself look flawless and reaps the benefits of all the compliments that come pouring in. I've seen it numerous times, so I'm quite sure that you have, too. It's fake, but it still makes an impact somewhere inside of you.

You're told that to be pretty you have to change who you are, you either need to eat more or less, dye your hair, cut it, work out more, work out less, dress differently, act differently, associate with different people -- to be "beautiful" to someone else's standards you almost always have to change yourself. But the truth is, you can't please anyone and you can never please someone when you can't please yourself. If you want to love the person you see in the mirror or to feel someone's love completely, you have to get over your own personal demons first. You have to conquer your insecurity to defeat the monster in the mirror. There's a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson that I love, it says, "We must be our own, before we can be another's."

So how does one combat the pressure to have the perfect body and overcome insecurity? Well, that's a good question. I'm still trying to figure it out myself as my roller coaster rockets around another curve in the tracks. I guess the only answer is that of confidence. Confidence is the only thing that can truly combat insecurity and social pressures. Look at Adele, who recently told Rolling Stone magazine, "I don't like going to the gym. I like eating fine foods and drinking nice wine." That's confidence right there. She accepts who she is, what she looks like, and she feels good about herself. And she's in the centre of the spotlight right now to boot! She's surrounded by people such as Katy Perry and Lady Gaga who dance around wearing sheer, barely there outfits.

I will be the first one to attest to the fact that it's easier said than done to be confident. But for the most part, I am. I'm not sure if this simply comes from the fact that I'm a strong person to begin with, but rather because of how I've acted to make sure I feel confident. I started trying to surround myself with positive, healthy thoughts. I cut out friends who were negative and brought me down with them, I started to look for things that made me happy and people who enjoyed my company and the things that made me happy. I read books that championed happiness and self-confidence And music is another way I've found to cheer myself up. I don't often admit to my guilty pleasure music, but I have it and it's how I keep myself upbeat on down days.

I listen to some of the following usually...

1. Who Says - Selena Gomez
2. Helena Beat - Foster the People
3. Sigh No More (album) - Mumford & Sons
4. I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles
5. Teenage Dream/Firework - Katy Perry

And probably a lot more that cheer me up when I'm feeling down. I also read quotes, there are various tumblr sites I go to just to read something that might make me smile. I don't let negativity in, because it fosters insecurity. I do have moments where I crumble, but I try to conquer them as they come, because it's not helping me in the long run. I'm never going to look like one of the models in Vogue -- I'm 5'4", a size 4, and have a B34 cup. I'm not perfect, I don't even measure up to the averages on some counts. But when I look in the mirror, I'd much rather like what I see than hate what's staring back at me, because I don't think anything is more heartbreaking.

A few weeks ago, I went to a local convenience store/gas station with a friend and sat in the car, waiting for him to buy a pack of cigarettes inside because he was out. Out of the store came a woman, she was possibly between 25 and 30, and she looked like she'd just jumped a time warp from Auschwitz 1943 to America 2011. I could see her femurs, count her ribs as they joined her sternum, and her wrists and arms were skeletal. My heart broke in that instant, because it was unbelievably terrible, even painful, to see someone that hated what they saw so much that they felt the need to go to such great lengths to be "perfect" when she was to begin with.

You'll never look perfect, nor will I. Chances are most people will never notice our flaws quite as much as anyone else. By trying to be something we're not for the sake of "being happy" will never work. You can never be happy that way because there will always be something wrong -- there will always be something that's ugly if you don't start to love yourself and what you see in the mirror first.

I'm sorry if this is quite late, I've gotten in from 4th celebrations just a little while ago and only just now had the time to truly sit and write this down. I hope that everyone had a lovely holiday and has a nice week ahead of them.

Vicki xx